How things change

by Instant Noodle

“A DICTIONARY OF COMMON WANT”

A BOOK is announced with the above title. We have not seen it, and have no idea where it is published, but this ignorance will no more prevent us giving specimens of its contents than it would prevent us reviewing it for a Journal. The things most commonly wanted are :

An Income-Tax Commissioner who can believe that all men are not thieves and liars.
A Theatrical Advertisement that tells you the hour of each performance and the prices of admission.
A Barrister who can ignore his profession when dining out.
A Co-operative Store where civility is as conspicuous as cheapness.
A Thoroughfare not rendered impassable by omnibuses and tram-can.
A Newspaper which has no pretensions to infallibility.
A Statue which speaks for itself without a superscription.
A Company that has the courage not to pay a dividend.
A Hotel that pays its servants after charging for them in the bill.
A Bath-room that can do without a plumber always in attendance.
A Cabman who believes that Charing Cross is only a mile from the Bank.
A Railway that spends its money on things more useful than architecture.
A Frenchman who will admit that civilisation mar exist ouUide Paris.
A Scotchman who has some traces of prudence and sobriety.
An Irishman who is occasionally hurried into impulsive generosity.
A Drama that is not announced as the “talk of London, or the “great success if the season.”
A Pill that will nut cure all the afflictions of humanity.
An Aerated (or overrated) Water, with a German name, that is not the most agreeable drink in existence.

Maybe one day it will happen.

(January 1883)

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