Why, it’s genius!

by Instant Noodle

I’ve just remembered what this reminds me of. It’s a scene in Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels.

Apologies in advance for the rather crude subject matter. I’d say it was funny enough to be worth it.

Listen to this one. You start a company – “Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club”.

– You what?

– Put an advert in a gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos.

You sell it with…

“Does what no other dildo can do until now.”

“The latest and greatest in sexual technology.”

“Guaranteed results.”

All that bollocks.

These dils cost 20 quid a pop – a snip for the pleasure they’ll give the recipients. They send their cheques to the other company name. Not offensive, “Bobby’s Bits” or something, for quid. You stick it in the bank until it clears.

This is the smart bit. You send back the cheque for 20 pound from the other company name – “Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club” – saying we’re sorry, we couldn’t get supplies from America – they ran out of stock. You see how many people cash that cheque. Not a single soul. Who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse?

– How long do you have to wait for a return?

– Probably no more than four weeks.

– What good is that if we need it in six – no, five days?

– Well, it’s still a good idea.

(3rd December, 1859)